There is NO shame in having confidence! Confidence is often confused with arrogance, and there is a massive difference between the two.
Confidence is something that burns inside of us and is shared from the heart. It’s completely authentic, real, and comes from a place of knowing. It’s something that is shared; when we are confident, we feel compelled to lift people up! It’s a positive, contagious energy. Folks love being around confident people!
Arrogance comes from the ego. It’s a façade that is projected to hide one’s feelings of inadequacy. It’s off-putting and demeaning to others. Arrogance thrives on sucking energy and joy from others. Arrogant people often put others down in order to lift themselves up. It puts down instead of uplifts, and it’s gross.
Now that we can discern between the two, let’s remind ourselves that we want to be confident!
Typically, confidence isn’t something that comes to us naturally. We have it somewhere inside of us, but it needs some work. It’s like a muscle. The more we work it, the stronger it gets.
There are three very simple things that we can do in order to feel and express confidence. These are easy activities that build strong habits. These habits are sustainable, practical, and straightforward.
1) Knock it off with the negative self-talk. Self-deprecation isn’t funny.
We all know what it is like to be around someone who puts themselves down. They think that self-deprecation is funny, but it’s actually very unattractive. Many people that do this believe that if they make a joke about themselves, they’re beating someone else to it. In reality, this behavior actually engenders more negative energy, inviting disrespect and bullying.
If we want to feel good about ourselves, then we should speak and think good things about ourselves!
We all make mistakes. We’re human. We are, by nature, flawed beings. It’s okay that we falter. We’re not learning nor growing if we don’t suck at something at first. Confidence is built by taking action. We achieve by doing, and by doing, we’ll invariably make mistakes in the process. We may not be great at something right away, but we get better at it the more we try. The more we try, the more we learn. Once we’ve mastered something, we feel good about it, and about ourselves!
Make a list of five remarkable things you’ve done in your life. Did you put yourself through college? Have you gotten a job against stiff competition? Have you ever smashed a seemingly impossible goal? Do you remember an amazing workout you completed? What have you learned about yourself when taking on huge challenges?
Focus on these things and practice a mantra. Speak to yourself in a loving and positive tone. “I’ve survived everything that this life has thrown at me, and I am a freaking WARRIOR!”
Think about the qualities you admire in others, and remind yourself that these are things you actually admire in yourself as well. The things we see in others are a reflection of how we see ourselves.
2) Sit or stand up tall! Engage your core muscles, pull your shoulders back, and press your chest forward.
Have you ever seen a poster for a super hero film? Did you notice how the people in the poster look like…well, SUPER? It’s not just the costumes and the backgrounds. It’s body language.
It’s a fact – our posture says a LOT about how we feel. So, if we want to feel confident, let’s do ourselves a favor and LOOK confident! There’s something powerful about physical presence.
I heard a story about a photographer who was told she took the best pictures of school children. Parents raved about how wonderful the pictures turned out and they were so excited to have her back. When she was asked how she got the children to look so confident and joyful, she said that she took away the usual stool they sit on and had them stand up. It was as simple as that – make the children stand!
This is something I practice in my speaking. Whenever I’m working on a keynote, recording for my podcast, or narrating an audio book, I standing while I do these things. The vibe is WAY better! I’ve listened to audio samples of myself sitting and samples of audio that was recorded when I was standing. There’s no comparison. Standing wins every time!
3) Surround yourself with incredibly positive people!
There’s no disputing this – we become like the people we hang out with. We tend to earn the same amount as the people in our circle. When we’re around negative people, we feel terribly. But when we’re around energetic, joyful, grateful and inspiring people, we pick up on their uplifting energy!
If we want more of something in our lives, the best way to learn how to get it is to be around people that already have it. When we get involved in the lives of others, they share with us how they’ve gotten where they are. The more time we spend around positive people, the more we catch onto that amazing energy! And the more we exude positivity, the more it comes back into our lives!
There are so many ways to find positive people. The first step is to look for groups and organizations that strike our interests. Business groups, interest-based clubs, fellowships, volunteer groups, school, and fitness centers are great places to get connected!
When I embarked on my 100 pound weight loss journey, I made friends will all of the staff at the various fitness centers and yoga studios that I frequented. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I needed their support and I was recruiting them to my cause. Consciously, I just wanted to be around people who were fit and healthy. I wanted that, so I wanted to be around people who had it.
Many of us don’t naturally express confidence. So, if we want it, we need to work at it. Like any new skill or habit, it’s something that takes time and work. When we put an intention out there to get it and follow that with action, it WILL be ours!
Remember – you are a remarkable human being ♥ You’re not here by chance nor by accident. You have a purpose, you have many gifts, and you are a blessing to those who know you. Show up in the world as a human with an intention and a destiny! Let your light shine, and show others that they can do the same!
Believe in your epic amazingness, and that confidence will catch on like wild fire 🙂
Seeing you at your very best,